I got my second dose of the Pfizer-BioNTech COVID-19 vaccine on Friday. The trip was slightly annoying, but ultimately less frustrating than the first shot. I’ve been having mild side-effects which isn’t really noteworthy, but some folks like to keep score I guess.

As I was making the journey I spent some time thinking about ‘going back to normal’. And while I know that’s not a good description of what to expect, it still helped me into a more anxious state of mind. I enjoy being a bit of a hermit. For the past year or so, it has been more socially acceptable to stay in and avoid typical social interactions.

Now, as more and more folks become immunized, the norms of society will shift towards less reclusion which is good, but it means I have to shed this remarkable comfort I’ve been enjoying. This sounds crazy right?

Now, I would be lying if I said that remaining relatively isolated has made me happy. I’m certainly not any happier than I was prior, and if I try very hard I think I was actually much more upbeat before all of this really took hold in the United States. I think what I’m actually feeling is more like a return to healthy behavior after having fallen off the wagon.

Overcoming whatever amount of social anxiety that I do have requires work. It requires conciously wrestling with constant self-doubt. And for the past year I’ve basically been allowed to ignore those feelings from inside my bubble, and that means the muscle used to keep that feeling in check has atrophied and is very weak.

I know that it gets easier to be in public, and that the only real consequences of my feelings are self-inflicted suffering, but it’s still challenging to get back on the horse.